Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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