Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
