We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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