how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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