you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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