if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
