Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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