6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize