So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My cat gives me a boner
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
