He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
