Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize