hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
