Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
