I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
