Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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