Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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