dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
