Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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