Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
