allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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