nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
