do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
