what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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