hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
