i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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