I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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