she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
