Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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