he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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