im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
