Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
