He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
3pm strippers are depressing
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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