end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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