He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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