I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think my vagina is haunted
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
