You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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