i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
