If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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