brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
