Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
