bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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