just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
