I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
