my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
