I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
