omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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