I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
