I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
