i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
