You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
