it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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