My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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