And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Vodka?
Forever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
