I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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