So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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