There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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