id be glad to
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
