my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
