I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
