I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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